Beach Day Wisdom: When “Not Brave Enough” Really Means “This Just Might Not Be My Thing”
My Beach day with the kids and boogie boards turned into an unexpected life lesson. My kids were trying out boogie boards for the first time in a long time over the weekend. They both were having a blast until my daughter missed the timing and got sloshed hard into the ocean. She surfaced, gulping for air, trying to wipe the salt which mashed into the sunscreen and the subsequent welling tears from her eyes, snorting out the seawater from her nose and regaining her sense of right-side up. We hugged and commiserated about how much that feeling sucked.
The Boogie Board Breakthrough
The next morning, my son was chomping at the bit to go out again to catch some more waves (somehow I was waiting for a “Cowabunga, dude!”). He got sloshed around too… but it hadn’t seemed to have quite the same effect as it did on my daughter. She wanted so badly to go out again but was definitely more reserved about how far she was willing to go.
My six-year-old, on the other hand, had to be reeled in like an unruly fish—wanting to hang with the teen boys and ride some ‘epic’ waves. He caught quite a few, in fact, with the teens cheering him on! My daughter got sloshed a little more that morning and came up to the shore. She sat on her board and cried some more, beating herself up that she “isn’t brave anymore.” Arm around her shoulders and with a kiss on the forehead, I asked her to tell me more (she’s been a “I can be scared but brave” kid since she could walk). She lamented that her brother is braver… and now better than her. As the tears flowed, I reminded her that I didn’t think it was bravery she was lacking. It seemed as though she just didn’t really enjoy the getting-sloshed-around part. I confessed I didn’t like that part either. And that’s ok.
The Lesson: The Story We Tell Ourselves vs. Reality
The story she was telling herself was that she wasn’t brave. But the reality was that she just didn’t really enjoy that activity as much (or at least the getting thrown under the water part). But the stories we tell ourselves matter.
Her brother has never minded water in his eyes/ears/nose like she has… and it had nothing to do with bravery or skill. Sometimes we just have likes and dislikes… and that’s totally okay!
She seemed relieved to know that I, too, shared some of the dislikes with her. She wasn’t flawed or broken… or cowardly.
We all have strengths and weaknesses, likes and dislikes—and that should be celebrated! How boring if we all were similar… and let’s be honest, the world also just wouldn’t function. [Ok, I admit it would be completely fair to question if the world is actually functioning right now… but that’s for another day.]
But we can either cherish our likes and tolerate our dislikes (or not!)… and cherish our selves… or beat ourselves up for not liking certain things and try to change ourselves. But to what end? What’s the point?
Your Permission Slip
So, what does this mean for you as a working mom juggling a million demands this summer?
How many times have you told yourself you’re “not good enough,” “not brave enough,” “not smart enough” when really, it’s just not your thing?
Maybe it’s:
- Staying late at work because others seem to thrive on the chaos
- Forcing yourself into social situations that drain your energy
- Going on dating apps because everyone tells you that’s how you’ll meet the person of your dreams
- Taking on volunteer roles that feel like dread instead of joy
- Joining every PTA committee because you think you “should”
- Doing a workout you hate because your doctor told you to
Here’s your permission slip: it’s totally okay if something is NOT your thing. It’s also okay if it’s just not your thing right now.
Trying new things, persisting, and getting better at hard things can be great—especially if we want to succeed at that thing and there’s enjoyment in sight. But measuring yourself by someone else’s enjoyment just isn’t helpful.
Your Call to Action
Celebrate your strengths. Focus your time and energy on what makes you YOU… and what brings you joy.
Making Your Corner of the World Better
There’s a lot of hardship in the world right now, and we can’t fix every bit and piece… but we can own our little piece. We can try to make our little corner of the world a little better each day, and it’s okay if it starts with something you enjoy.
No need to get sloshed by the waves in hopes that maybe you’ll call that fun one day.
Start little. Start with something that you call fun (or at minimum doesn’t feel like dread!).
Three Questions to Honor Your True Self
Here’s where to start:
- What’s one thing I’m forcing myself to do that might just “not be my thing”?
- What’s one activity that energizes me instead of drains me?
- How can I honor my authentic preferences instead of beating myself up for them?
Remember: You can handle any emotion. Added bonus: if you build this muscle of honoring your true preferences, life gets easier and you get closer to the joy.
And holler if you need a coach to help you sort it out!
Find my schedule here. My availability is pretty slim over the next several weeks. Feel free to email @ coachheidi@empoweredcoachingha for different options.
P.S. As you may know, I’ve been taking off a little time this summer to hang with the fam… and rearranging some work choices to better align with my preferences, too. I’ll share more as things are finalized!
Heidi
