If you’ve been here awhile, you’ve heard me talk about the Coaching Model/ framework I learned at the Life Coach School.
Circumstances–> Thoughts–> Feelings–> Actions–> Results
(If you are new: welcome! Please, hang with me… I’ll explain more in a minute.)
In the Coaching Model, at first glance, it seems like “asking for help” would best go in the “A-line”. It’s an action, right? But when my clients think of this as a problem and I’m coaching on it, sometimes it’s helpful to put it in the “C-line.” |
Stay with me. If you are a professional, businesswoman, doctor, lawyer, CEO… You’ve obviously reached this level of success by being fairly independent, by being a go-getter, and by getting your stuff done. But for all of us, we reach a point where we need help… we legitimately cannot get everything done that we need or want to get done.
Working with clients, talking with friends and co-workers, this tipping point often happens when children enter the picture. The juggle is real. So for those who have mastered the art of asking for help: good on you! I love you; I’m proud of you—AND this post isn’t really for you.
For those of us who haven’t, it’s worthwhile looking at this challenge. For those who HATE asking for help, the mere thought of it can be terrifying. It can feel incredibly vulnerable AND it can feel like just another thing on an endless to-do list.
Here are the most common reasons I see as a coach:
- Societal or internal pressure to be “superwoman”—aka do it all.
- Guilt
- Fear of rejection
- Feeling undeserving of help
- Anxiety about bothering or burdening others
- Lack of trust in others’ abilities
- Difficulty identifying or articulating your needs
- Uncertainty about who to ask or how to ask for help
For you, maybe it’s one of these… maybe it’s all. Before coaching, I was in the latter of those categories ????. But, trust me, this is a skill worth learning.
So I go back to the coaching model: It seems most natural to put “ask for help” in the action line, but when I see this show up here… the feeling preceding this action when my clients are really stuck is typically: desperation, frustration, or overwhelm. I.e. You are so overwhelmed, you’re almost forced to ask for help. Or so desperate, you finally “call in the favor.” This doesn’t exactly positively reinforce the asking for help idea. It feels scary and vulnerable and shitty.
But what if you felt empowered to ask for help?
One way I approach this with clients, put asking for help in the initial circumstance line. It’s neutral. You ask for help.
What are your thoughts about it?
How do those thoughts make you feel?
What happens when you feel that way?
What’s the final result?
So, here’s where we start…
Peak at your thought(s) here. Are you getting the result you want?
If not, reply here and I’d love to walk you through this. Or setup a free call to see how this coaching model can transform your life.
Because if your current results look something like this:
- Not having enough help.
- Not feeling supported.
- Never able to get things done.
- Feeling like I have to do it all or it won’t get done.
Enough! Life can be simpler and far less stressful if you have the right team supporting you (whether it’s in business or at home.)
Here are a few thoughts/ practices to try-on:
- Asking for help can be a sign of self-awareness and good leadership, not weakness.
- Start small: Begin by asking for help with minor tasks to build confidence and positive experiences. (Start with people who are easy to ask…)
- Learn to articulate your needs clearly and confidently. People in your life can’t read your mind (And you probably wouldn’t want them to ????.)
- Challenge negative self-talk: Recognize and counter the inner voice that discourages you from asking for help.
Imagine the growth and freedom that happens if you are resourced with the support you need!
Want to know more about how this can impact your life?
Schedule a free consult today,
Heidi
P.S. Here are some of my blogs from when I first started if you want to see more of ‘the Model’ in action:
Actions and Impacts:
Breaking Down the Model:
Unintentional vs Intentional Results:
