What I Learned at 30,000 Feet
My kids had a few days off school 2 weeks ago, so we made the most of it and flew to Michigan to visit my sister, her family, and my dad!
On the plane, somewhere between Jacksonville and Chicago, I cracked open Spencer Johnson’s Peaks and Valleys— the library really pulled through for me the day before I departed.
I’ll preface this with that fact that I just finished his book Who Move My Cheese and he gave a little preview of this book; meanwhile, I have been thinking a lot about a few friends going through really hard times—juggling all the things: kids, spouse, school, and work– and wondering what I can do to support them in their “valleys” so I was excited to read this.
With that– I wanted to share my highlights from this book because while little, it was mighty. And honestly? Some of these quotes hit so hard I stopped and took pictures to save for later.
“Peaks are moments when you appreciate what you have. Valleys are moments when you long for what is missing.”
Cue the picture and then a long stare out the window…
Think about that for a second. When you’re in a good season—when work is flowing, kids are thriving, you actually have energy at the end of the day—are you appreciating it? Or are you already worried about when the other shoe will drop?
And when you’re in a hard season—when everything feels overwhelming and you’re barely keeping your head above water—often we’re focused on what’s missing: The sleep you’re not getting. The patience you don’t have. The version of yourself you used to be… The job, the kids, the spouse, oh my!
Here’s What Changed My Perspective
The book asks: “How can it be healthy to have ups and downs? How can that be peaceful? Don’t all the highs and lows make you feel anxious and stressed out?”
The answer? “Only if you go up and down with them. Once you truly learn to manage your good and bad times, you gain a sense of healthy balance.”
And then this piece of wisdom that I literally took a picture of:
“You are not your Peaks—your good times—and you are not your Valleys—your bad times.”
Read that again.
You. Are. Not. Your. Circumstances.
You’re not the promotion. You’re not the overwhelm. You’re not the perfect day or the terrible week… or your child’s tantrum or spouse’s struggles. These things don’t define you as a person, a mother, a spouse… When you understand this—you can get off the emotional roller coaster.
The Hard Truth We Need to Hear
Here’s another doozy:
“The most common reason you leave a peak too soon is arrogance masquerading as confidence. The most common reason you stay in a valley too long is fear masquerading as comfort.”
Let that land.
Arrogance masquerading as confidence.
That’s when we’re doing well and we think we’ve got it all figured out. We stop doing the things that got us there. We stop being grateful. We get sloppy.
Fear masquerading as comfort.
That’s when we’re struggling but we convince ourselves that staying stuck is somehow safer than trying something new. “At least I know what to expect here.” This reminds of his last book “Who Moved My Cheese?”. Here’s my recap from last week in case you missed it!
How This Shows Up For You
Think about your life right now.
Are you in a peak?
A moment when things are genuinely good? If so, are you appreciating it? Are you grateful? Are you staying humble and doing the things that got you here?
Or are you already anxious about losing it? Already bracing for the next hard thing?
Are you in a valley?
A season that feels heavy and hard? If so, are you only seeing what’s missing? Are you stuck in “fear masquerading as comfort”—telling yourself it’s easier to just keep doing what you’re doing, even though it’s not working?
Here’s the truth: You can’t always control external events. Your boss is going to make demands. Your kids are going to get sick. Life is going to life.
But here’s what Johnson says: “You cannot always control external events, but you can control your personal peaks and valleys by what you believe and what you do.”
By what you believe. And what you do.
That’s where your power is.
Here are three questions to ponder:
- Where am I right now? Am I in a peak or a valley? (Be honest. No judgment.)
- What is the TRUTH of this situation? Not the story I’m telling myself, not what I’m afraid of—what’s actually true right now?
- What am I believing and doing that’s keeping me here? If I’m in a peak, am I appreciating it? If I’m in a valley, am I staying because it feels safer than changing?
Write it down. Get specific. Because awareness is always—ALWAYS—the first step to change.
And here’s what I know: You are not your circumstances. You are the person who gets to decide what you believe and what you do next.
More on that next week. (Trust me, the best part is coming… only so much can go in a single post! If you want my regular emails: click here to sign up.)
Until then,
Heidi
P.S. If you’re in a valley right now and can’t quite see the truth of your situation clearly, that’s exactly what coaching helps with. Sometimes we need someone outside our own head to help us see what’s real and what’s just fear talking.
Schedule a free consultation; click here and let’s talk about what’s actually true for you right now.
TL;DR
- Peaks = moments when you appreciate what you have
- Valleys = moments when you long for what’s missing
- You are NOT your circumstances
- You can’t always control your circumstances, but you can control your peaks and valleys by what you believe and what you do
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