I wrote this last week to my email list… maybe a few days late in posting here– but hey, it’s the holidays so I’m sneaking in right under the wire! Don’t want to miss a thing? Join here if you want to stay in the loop for more coaching tips and stay up to date on my latest courses and offers.
When Magic Fades and Reality Sets In
We’re in that strange limbo between holidays and the new year – I’m coming down from a three-month sugar high of Halloween candy, followed by a Thanksgiving when I over-indulged and treated myself as the stuffed turkey, and then the hoopla of Christmas. In my house, Christmas is still filled with the magic of Santa—although I did get the deadpan: “mom, tell me the truth. Is Santa real?” from my youngest this year. I told him I’ve never met the guy, but every year he does seem to have a present under the tree…
I realize the magic may be fading, both for them and, if I’m honest, for me too.
Recent disappointments, while not earth-shattering, have made me pause and reflect. Perhaps you’ve been there too? It reminded me of a story I heard on Instagram that captures this perfectly. (This version focuses on expectations/ moms, but I think it’s fairly generalizable.)
Don’t Go to Home Depot for Milk
A woman went to Home Depot searching for milk. After scouring every aisle, she demanded to see the manager, who kindly explained they don’t sell milk. She left frustrated and angry. A week later, she returned – same story, same disappointment.
Imagine if this story played out every holiday season. Eventually, everyone would wonder why the woman keeps coming back for milk at Home Depot.
Now, replace “milk” with any expectation – love, respect, accountability – and “Home Depot” with any person in your life (your friend, coworker, sibling, parent). We often repeatedly seek something from people who simply don’t stock what we’re looking for.
But here’s the thing: Home Depot does sell hammers and nails.
We can choose to appreciate people for what they do offer rather than resenting them for what they don’t. It’s about:
- Finding value in what is, rather than longing for what isn’t
- Adjusting our lens
- Accepting people as they are
Breaking the Cycle
When holiday expectations don’t match reality, there’s a simple four-step process that helps:
- Notice your thinking: Catch yourself in moments of disappointment or frustration
- Normalize: Acknowledge it’s normal to want magical holidays and grateful kids
- Neutralize: Step back and observe like a fly on the wall – what are the facts versus the story you’re telling yourself?
- Next best thought or action: Recognize when you’re at the “wrong store” and adjust your expectations accordingly. Are you looking for milk or a hammer?
When I catch myself stewing in disappointment, I realize I’m engaging in magical thinking – my adult version of believing in Santa, minus the joy, cookies, and presents under the tree.
Looking Forward
If you’re feeling the holiday hangover today, you’re not alone. I’m wrapping up my final ER night shifts for the year before taking a much-needed break.
As my 7-year-old cheerfully tells her friends: “See you next year!”
Except this time, we’re heading into 2025 with clearer eyes and adjusted expectations. Maybe that’s a different kind of magic.
What expectations are you leaving behind this year?
