Let’s be real – as women (especially working moms), we’re constantly juggling demands on our time and energy from work, family, friends, and more. Often, we find ourselves saying “yes” to things we don’t truly want to do, all in the name of being a team player, nice, kind, and generous.
Many of us constantly worry about the “costs” of saying no, but I think it’s helpful to look at the pros and cons of saying yes.
PROS
PROS: Truthfully, many of us get a little dopamine hit from saying yes: the people pleasing, doing the kind and generous thing (many of us even dare to impose on ourselves and others: it’s the right thing!)… plus, we really do enjoy being helpful, team players. All of these things can be great and can work to build a greater good (team, family, community), but not if it’s continuously at the expense of you.
And there’s another potential pro: you get to avoid the guilt/ shame/ embarrassment or uncomfortable feelings that would come with a ‘no’…
CONS
But there are some cons to saying yes to things that you really want to say no to.
- You tend to lead a less authentic life.
- Perhaps you even resent those who continue to ask.
- You also have less time and energy for the things you do want.
- And then you beat yourself up for continuing to say yes to things that aren’t top priority.
Damn, that sounds pretty uncomfortable ????
It also may mean you sleep less, eat junk on the run, and don’t spend time doing the things that bring you meaning, joy, health, and happiness… if the yes’s come with all that, then is it worth it??
“But it’s just not that easy” your brain might be screaming.
It can be… with practice.
First step: pause.
The next time there’s a knee-jerk yes to a request. I encourage you to pause before you let that three letter word sneak out.
When time and energy are limited (let’s be honest, I know they are both very limited for the people likely reading this)—don’t just look at what the yes entails, pause long enough to consider what you are also saying no to…
It’s often in this pause that we have enough clarity to say no, thank you.
With that practice alone, it becomes much easier.
Cheers to guarding your time and energy for where it’s needed most,
Heidi
P.S. The flip of this is obviously true; when you say No to something, it’s helpful to consider what you are saying Yes to.
