Have you ever thought about what you could take away that might increase your happiness?
| From Strength to Strength: Finding Success, Happiness, and Deep Purpose in the Second Half of Life. By Arthur Brooks. I finished this audiobook a few weeks ago and I really like a passage from Chapter 4: Start Chipping Away. The author tells a story about a guide at an art museum, and they talk about the idea of art. <<I was running with my dogs and listening on 1.75 speed, so this is simply my takeaway… don’t quote me here people.>> The guide asked him about what he thinks of when asked to imagine a work of art yet to be started… He went on to talk about the Western idea of art is often a blank canvas, something that starts from nothing and you add to. The Eastern example was a large piece of jade that you carve to reveal the art and beauty beneath. The art already exists and it’s our job is to reveal the beauty below. |
Often in a productivity-driven, outcomes-driven society, we focus on adding more… generating more with the idea that more will be better. It’s a question of what can we add to our lives to make us happier??
But perhaps, we should ask: what can we take away?
He brings up the idea of satisfaction = what you have divided by what you want.
Most people focus on the numerator: what we have… and start accumulating more and more, thinking increased satisfaction will come from “having more.” And then get sucked into wanting more and more… so the numerator and denominator both grow, but satisfaction doesn’t.
We often think of the things that would make us happier: what more we could do or create, places to visit, bucket list items to check off, let alone the material items that are being sold to us every day… but what if you look for the things that you could eliminate that might contribute to your happiness?
And what happens if we purposefully look at our wants and start chipping away at those instead?
So how does this connect to the last few weeks of asking for help and saying no?
I think it’s incredibly helpful to look at your why (not just what you want) and then applying this premise.
Arthur Brooks brings up the bestselling author Simon Sinek’s work: Start with Why. How if relates to this topic: look at your purpose (your why) and start shedding “the activities that are not in service of that purpose. Your why is the sculpture inside the block of jade.”
So here’s the challenge: let’s start looking at the things/ responsibilities/ thoughts you could shed that aren’t in service of you or your why.
The first things that came to my mind were: items on my checklist that I personally don’t really need to be doing (aka things I can outsource (ask for help) or say no to), clutter, clothes, and negative self-talk…
So having the skills and feeling empowered to say no and ask for help can go a long way here…
And because everyone loves a good top ten list, here’s to chipping away at some more:
| 1. Grudges and resentment 2. Unrealistic expectations 3. The need for constant approval from others 4. Clutter and unnecessary possessions 5. Toxic relationships 6. Fear of failure 7. Comparing oneself to others 8. Regrets about the past 9. The illusion of control over everything 10. Perfectionism |
Pick your favorite; now imagine the beauty left when it gets chipped away?
