It’s a skill that can be learned. Ask me how I know ????????
I just want to be clear— this is something that did NOT come naturally to me.
I was horrible at saying no.
I definitely didn’t want to be perceived as selfish or not a team player. Like Ever.
I am flawed and messy and also just figuring it out. So while social media loves to portray the polished versions of life: the travel, the picture-worthy moments, the laughs and smiles; there are also always the messy moments.
And I love instagram-able moments, but I have also come to appreciate there’s a beauty in the mess and helping ourselves and each other grow. So, when I found myself feeling like the giving tree, lost and alone and withering away… I also saw my fellow female colleagues and moms feeling the same way– like they were constantly giving of themselves at their own expense. I simply don’t want us to feel that way, especially when there’s another option: with some new skills and some new tools ⚒️.
Let’s get back to the Power of NO: despite loving it, teaching it, and coaching on it— it is still not my default mode.
But it has made a tremendous difference in my life and is something I know I need and still need to practice regularly. It’s like mindfulness, physical exercise, or cutting back on sugar or alcohol. When we do it, we feel better. But of course, there’s always some initial discomfort in starting.
Maybe like me, this is a skill set you aren’t well-versed in. Maybe this seems really frickin’ hard. Maybe you’ve been trying and feeling this internal doom spiral.
Let’s not make it into something bigger than it is; it’s just a skill set that I think can empower all of us:
- To take care of ourselves while also being team players.
- To be good moms and good coworkers while also being good to ourselves.
- To extend grace and compassion to our friends and families and also to us.
Saying No isn’t just about saying no… it’s about extending kindness to yourself and checking in on your needs/ wants and honoring them.
Cheers to saying no as a skill, learned and practice…
PS. Prone to beating yourself up? I was listening to a podcast yesterday that was talking about how women especially are so prone to holding ourselves to such high standards. We’re quick to expect perfection and beat ourselves up for our failures. We’re often much kinder to our loved ones and even pets!
Want a visual of a mess and such kindness? Yesterday, my pup pooped on the floor—she’s a big pup and there was a lot of ????????. I think she’d eaten something that obviously didn’t settle well. After my initial oh crap moment, I immediately thought ‘poor baby.’
You know what I didn’t do? Scold or berate her. I let her outside and cleaned up the mess.
So, while the scene was probably not instagram-worthy, I think the message probably is. When your next “mess up” happens—I hope you can extend yourself the same kindness. ????????
Want to learning how empowering NO can be? Want to practice? Schedule a free consult here.
