The goal of coaching is not to eliminate all the negative emotions in our lives, but rather to be able to process them (and not add additional suffering: often in the form of overeating/ drinking/ spending, etc.) These are examples of what we call buffering.
In fact, we want to feel negative and positive emotions.
Buffering is what you do to avoid pain.
I.e. When we use external things to change how we feel emotionally, with a net negative in the long run.
Any activity that helps you avoid painful or negative emotions (or uncomfortable emotions*), procrastinate, or just hide from reality.
Why do we buffer? We buffer to stop “the urge.” Urges come from the primitive brain and often feel intolerable, so we give in and reinforce the pathway, creating a negative cycle.
We need to allow the urge on purpose. Become the watcher: use the prefrontal cortex and override.
Develop the skill: Allow the urge (just a feeling) and don’t respond.
- No response–> stops the neural pathway and stops the cycle
- Allow it vs resisting it
- Encourage and embrace it without responding
- Witness the primitive brain and don’t respond
Many people use buffering to tolerate things in their lives…
Instead of changing the thing… people buffer.
But there’s a loss and it’s not just the time doing the activity… it’s the time spent thinking about it… the results of it, etc. [Easy example: food; when we over-eat because of boredom, anxiety, grumpiness, etc, we. spend time thinking about food/ our next meal, actual time eating the food, time spent in regretting the food, thinking about weight, etc]
When you buffer, you don’t pause, or listen to your body or hear the voices within… Asking you to step out. Pay attention. Go against the grain.
We certainly don’t listen and celebrate what’s within.
Truly, we often buffer to make our lives more tolerable. Inside you’re screaming for something bigger and better. When you quit buffering, you feel terrible at first… your primitive brain is scared and not getting the quick dopamine hit… but then you can release and change the things that are making you feel terrible.
AND THEN you can create and contribute to your self and your life from a place of authenticity. Come learn how.
Are you a Working Mom and want more free time? Join my new course: Starts October 1st. One of the key elements is not tolerating BS in your life. Instead, learning to tolerate the “urge” to over-work/eat/ drink/ shop/ scroll… and then taking that time to do stuff that you truly want to do and actually fills your cup!
Ready to learn? And more importantly: get back your time!
Sign up for more info: Empowered Mom’s guide to unlocking more free time.
If you are ready to lock-in your spot and save $100: use code FREETIME
*Coupon expires 9/17/23
