In the last two weeks I put together info from a few of my favorite sources on boundaries. It’s a great place to start if you are struggling in this area. But it’s one thing to read something, it’s a whole different thing to start implementing it. And then sorting through the discomfort that follows…. That’s where coaching can be a tremendous help!
Learn the tools and then get coaching on what worked and what didn’t and where next. The best part: it gets so much easier with practice.
Quick recap: The Life Coach School defines boundaries as something you create for yourself and “includes a request you make of someone to change a certain behavior and a consequence of what you will do to self-protect if they violate the boundary.” Boundaries come from a place of love.
First, be clear with yourself about what your personal boundaries are. Then, the boundary needs to be communicated when it has been violated with the consequence clearly stated if it continues or happens again.
The request: ask someone to stop doing the thing that infringes on you or your property (literally or figuratively).
The consequence: tell the person what you will do if they do not comply with your request.
Nedra Tawwab gives this great list:
“List of areas where self-boundaries are helpful:
-your finances
-your time management
-your self-care
-the treatment you allow from others
-your thoughts (yes, you can stop talking to yourself in an unkind way, just like you might stop someone else from being mean to you)
-your reactions
-the people you allow in your life”
Here’s the Practice: pick one area of your life you would like to work on boundaries:
- What is the boundary violation?
- What is the boundary you want to set?
- The request: If you… The consequence: Then I will…
- What are your fears (if any) around establishing the boundary?
- What are the benefits of establishing the boundary?
- How will you set this boundary?
- How will you ensure that you honor your boundary?
What comes up for you? Where is this easy? Where is it hard? Work: with patients or admin/ family (mom/dad/ siblings/ kids, etc)/ self-care?
Email me or hop on our next small group call! We’d love to have you join as we wade through the messiness of life together:)
Join our small group on Sundays or Wednesdays: it’s an amazing space for connection, acceptance, and growth. Huge value@ $100/month: 4 group sessions/month
