Hey there!
OK, I got off a coaching call last week and we ended with giving a shout-out to a husband of a group member.
He totally unapologetically said no to a family member who was looking for a handout. Like completely guilt-free, unapologetic no.
And what a breath of fresh air!
Because when you own your NO (it could be a hell no! or a noppity nope-nope)… it is so refreshing to your soul…And to the people around you.
Bonus points because when it’s owned in a bold way, it also lets people know what you are available for next time… or not!
It really can feel like a weight lifted off your back.
The Hidden Power of Boundaries
As an ER doctor, I’ve seen the physical toll of stress on the body. And let me tell you – that constant “yes” when you mean “no” is literally triggering your stress response. Your body can’t tell the difference between facing a tiger and facing your mother-in-law’s request to host the next holiday dinner again. We all have people in our lives that will ask… and ask… and ask—with little insight to the effect it causes.
A tip of the hat to Mel Robbins new book: The Let Them Theory. She talks a lot about: Let them. With a very important follow-up, let me…
Let them ask away. Let them request. Let them… But let me say no. Let me stand firm in knowing what I need/what I want.
Find Your Shade of No
Did you know there are at least fifty different ways to say no? (And yes, I wrote a whole guide about it! Click here if you want a copy.)
Some of my favorites:
- “I appreciate the offer, but I have to decline.”
- “Let me think about it…” (pause) “No.”
- “I’d rather stick a fork in my eye, but thanks for asking.”
- “Thank you for thinking of me, but I’m not available for that right now.”
- The simple, clean “No, I’m not available for that.”
The important part isn’t which one you choose – it’s that you practice until it feels authentic to YOU.
Remember Your True Yes Framework
Let you:
- Know what’s best for you!
- Do what’s best for you!
- Let you protect your time and energy.
- Let you control your schedule.
- Let you say no, so that you have time, energy and mental space for the “hell yes!”
The skip, the high-five, the pep in your step when you can confidently hit delete or say no however you like.
That’s the freedom we’re here for.
Mel Robbins said “As you use the Let Them Theory to free yourself of the burden of other people’s opinions, you’ll begin moving through life with your values, your needs, and your goals as your road map. Instead of anticipating what other people might think, you’ll navigate your life in a way that makes you proud of yourself.
And that right there is the secret. When YOU are proud of yourself, you hold all the power.”
Your One Action Step This Week
For all my over-achieving people-pleasers: If you typically respond with a knee-jerk “yes” to incoming requests, first practice a pause:
“Let me get back to you.”
This allows you to check in with yourself. If you wouldn’t put it on your calendar tomorrow, let it be a no.
There’s real power in knowing what’s best for you, in your life situation, with your resources and capabilities, your wants and desires, your values… not a world full of shoulds and maybes.
Find Your Cheerleaders
It’s tough to overcome ingrained guilt alone. That’s why our coaching community celebrates every “no” win together! You need people who understand your desire for better boundaries and will high-five you right along with me. (We’ll even virtually high-five your husband if it’s deserved????)
So if you are ready to confidently sling some yes and no’s around—first step is here: schedule a call below.
You don’t have to carry the weight anymore. Ditch it.
To your time freedom,
Heidi
