I had a really great conversation with two incredible clients this past week. We talked about pain and suffering. There’s a Buddhist belief that pain is inevitable and suffering is optional.
You may have seen the equation: Suffering = Pain x Resistance. This concept pairs perfectly with last week’s message about allowing difficult emotions.
One of the clients shared about a company dedicated to healing grief and the owner mentioned that grief work is heart work.
Not hard but heart.
These are links my client shared
This evolved the conversation into inventing our own equation. We posited that perhaps Heart Work = Pain X Purpose.
When you eliminate the resistance, suffering is optional. It doesn’t mean there isn’t pain; there will always be difficult emotions and pain in life. The good news is that if you allow yourself to feel these (and don’t resist/ avoid/buffer), you can move forward with confidence knowing that you are strong enough to handle it.
Pain with a purpose reminds me of childbirth. Don’t worry, I’ll spare the details but with my first baby at one point, I was really resisting the urge to push. [I was wayyyy in my head and figured there was no way I was dilated enough to push. Ok, TMI?] For a few contractions, there was suffering there. I was really resisting.
Suffering = Pain x Resistance
But once the nurse checked and said I could push… it felt like purposeful pain and there was something quite peaceful about it… maybe relief??
Or Heart work.
Which now I’m equating to Pain X Purpose. And there’s something beautiful about it.
Heart work= Pain x Purpose
I’m not saying that heart work has to have pain but when I look back at my life, the biggest times of growth and work that came from my heart did include a degree of pain or discomfort.
But there was purpose, too. And awareness and acceptance that it was hard.
So if you are experiencing pain or any of the eight uncomfortable emotions mentioned last week: sadness, shame, helplessness, anger, embarrassment, disappointment, frustration and vulnerability.
Feel it. Allow it.
Choose awareness, not resistance.
Choose to look for the purpose.
(I love asking ‘why did this happen for me’? As opposed to “to me”.)
But remember, don’t use this work against yourself.
Don’t put yourself in painful situations over and over again thinking that if you have enough purpose or passion that it will lead to your heart work.
Just accept that sometimes there will be pain and sometimes it’s there for a purpose.
And if you find yourself off course, lean into your purpose to course correct as needed.
This is your heart work.
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