Back from a little hiatus because I’ve been doing some change-ups.
And here’s a behind the scenes look: I love trying new things. And I hate failure.
Sometimes these two sides of the coin create a push-pull between excitement and anxiety—a juxtaposition many of you probably know well.
Seven weeks ago, my kids started their first day of school and I began orientation for a new job. I’m still an Emergency Medicine doctor by trade, but I’m switching institutions and taking a leap out of my comfort zone— a place I’d called home for the past 12 years—to try something new.
And… I had all the feels. Anxiety. Excitement. Self-doubt.
The Anxiety-Excitement Connection
I thought of something I’d recently read about how anxiety and excitement feel nearly identical in our bodies. Olympic athletes describe the palpitations, the sweat, the rise in cortisol before their event as excitement—while many of us would register these exact sensations as anxiety.
During a recent public speaking event for my community project, I kept trying to convince myself: “This is excitement!” Well… it sure didn’t feel that way!
So, here’s the truth about my new job: It was excitement. And anxiety.
It was coaching myself through the imposter feelings and navigating a complex system that even veterans could find challenging. It’s asking questions over and over again—making sure I’m doing right by my patients and colleagues. It’s doing my best with what I have— often the very essence of Emergency Medicine, where we do the best with the information, tests, medications, and tools that we have.
Sometimes it’s messy. It’s rarely perfect. And there’s always something to learn.
And that’s part of why I love it.
Maps for Uncertain Territory
Brené Brown’s first chapter in Atlas of the Heart is titled “Places We Go When Things Are Uncertain or Too Much.” The feelings she explores—stress, overwhelm, anxiety, worry, avoidance, excitement, dread, fear, vulnerability—felt like my personal inventory these past few weeks.
I love her map-making analogy: “I want this book to be an atlas for all of us, because I believe that with an adventurous heart and the right maps, we can travel anywhere and never fear losing ourselves. Even when we don’t know where we are.”
She outlines three questions that are “central to understanding the physical world, and they’re central to understanding our internal worlds”:
Where am I?
How did I get here from there?
How do I get there from here?
These questions mirror concepts from The Gap and The Gain that I’ve discussed before—and they’re part of a regular check-in exercise I use with coaching clients.
The Layers of Our Experience
Brown explains that understanding our emotions requires examining four layers—what I think of as our personal operating system:
Biology: How feelings show up in our bodies and why
Biography: How our families and communities shape our beliefs about the connection between feelings, thoughts, and behavior
Behavior: Our go-to responses
Backstory: The context behind what we’re feeling or thinking
As she describes the nine emotions of uncertainty—stress, overwhelm, anxiety, worry, avoidance, excitement, dread, fear, vulnerability—it’s easy to see how starting something new (for kids and adults alike) can trigger this entire emotional cocktail.There’s vulnerability in trying something new, and it takes courage. “In a world where perfectionism, pleasing, and proving are used as armor to protect our egos and our feelings, it takes a lot of courage to show up and be all in when we can’t control the outcome.”
Riding the Wave
Right now, I’m riding the wave of excitement and vulnerability. I’m intentionally dialing back on my coaching to focus on showing up for a new team while looking for ways to get more involved that align with my values and priorities.
This transition has been an incredible culmination of the work I’ve practiced and taught over the past few years—choosing where my time and energy go without carrying the baggage of societal should/could/would.
It’s also a fresh start where I can take years of experience and build on that foundation with a new support system. And I get to shed the parts that were weighing me down.
| A Message for Fellow Risk-Takers If you’re thinking about starting something new or trying something different and feeling vulnerable, know this: showing up despite uncertainty is courageous. The vulnerability isn’t a bug—it’s a feature. It means you’re growing, stretching, becoming who you’re meant to be in this next season. Feeling grateful, Heidi P.S. What new beginning are you contemplating? Let me know—I love hearing about the brave moves you’re considering. |
