Whether you are working on a new project, new parenting phase/technique, or a New Year’s resolution, finding TIME tends to be a BIG BARRIER for a lot of people. It’s often after a few weeks people simply give up. There’s a lofty goal or aspiration, initial excitement and inspiration, followed by time and life constraints, a few setbacks which swiftly culminate into defeat and inaction.
Sound familiar? You are not alone my dear.
I want to offer another option if you are venturing into the struggle, what I like to call stuck in the mud, phase.
(And perhaps it has nothing to do with the New Year and you are well saturated in mud and have been for awhile, and it’s not that relaxing beauty spa mud bath kinda thing; it’s more like pig in sh*t kinda mud: it stinks and feels really gross).
Want a path out? Read on.
Here’s a Four Step process that a business coach taught me but can apply to most situations.
1. Notice your thinking
2. Normalize
3. Neutralize
4. Next best thought or action
Here’s an example with TIME: I’ve noticed for working moms, the persistent nagging WHY behind not doing things is often TIME.
1. <<I never have time to workout/read/ work on this special project/you name it.>> Step 1 is simple: just Notice your thinking. Is that thought helpful or useful?
2. Normalize. Thoughts are thoughts; our human brain will offer lots of them [Ever spend time with a chatty hyper 3 year old?]. I like the phrase in mindfulness: “Thoughts arise.” WE are not our thoughts, but we can get hooked by them; especially ones that come up on repeat– they somehow feel true. It’s ok to normalize the thought “I never have time to XYZ.” Sometimes I even use my nice mom voice 😉 ‘Of course brain, I’m busy with lots on things on my plate, I can see how it’s easy to think that I never have any time.’ Simply notice the thought and then recognize it’s normal to have these thoughts. But it doesn’t mean it’s true.
3. Neutralize the thought or belief. Find the facts. Name what time you do have. Are their pockets of time? What does my day/week actually look like on a calendar? Somehow you may see that while you only have 15 minutes to spare today, you may have 40 minutes on Friday and there might be some finagling on the weekend to create a pocket of 90 minutes. Interesting, huh? Take out all the editorializing that your brain likes to offer and start to see the facts.
4. Once neutralized, this allows your brain to open up space for other possibilities: you can then see the Next best action or thought. It doesn’t mean you’ll go from “I have no time” to “I have all the time in the world.” But this quick reframe can allow your brain a little space to find something that may actually serve you. Time is an incredible gift.
I’ll end with one of my favorite quotes by the lovely Dr Edith Eger from The Gift:
“LOVE is a four letter word spelled T-I-M-E.“
My add-on: sometimes we have to make it and take it.
