This one is dedicated to all my favorite people pleasers. I hear you. I see you.
I invite you to a little reframe about our favorite toddler pastime: NO!
I promise, many years ago you were an expert at this. How about now?
When was the last time you said yes to something you wish you had said no to?
If you have 60 seconds, truly pause and think about this. Do you like your reason for the yes?
Now: what if you weren’t available?
Sometimes you’re not available financially, emotionally, physically, mentally… and that’s ok. All of these are completely valid reasons for no.
What if you just don’t want to? (Did you just feel a little icky after reading that?)
Your brain wants to kick back: “No my reasons seems super selfish. Other people, I understand when they aren’t available. Of course, they can’t always be available. But me? No, no, no…..“
Let’s give a super basic example. Your work colleague texts late on Tuesday and asks to schedule an early meeting the next day to discuss an upcoming proposal that’s due on Friday. Ugh, you hesitate. It’s the exact time that you have a workout planned; you also had a great healthy breakfast you were going to make and a few minutes of silence built in to the morning, too. You even have babysitter coverage all lined up to make this happen. You really were looking forward to this time set aside for yourself.
Then the ‘thinking brain’ screams: ‘I guess I don’t have to work out. It then carries on: I also don’t have to eat healthy food or have time for myself or a few minutes of silence before my work day.’
But the truth is: I feel a whole lot better when I do.
So if the YES is interfering with any of this, just let it be a no.
Maybe you’re just not available.
Many of us have been so conditioned to accommodate and sacrifice, it’s often second nature. ‘It’s just the right thing to do.’
But is it? For who?
So, what about when you’re not available financially, emotionally, physically, mentally? Insert any imagined request(s)…
- Financially: Maybe you have the money, but it’s designated for other things: maybe pre-determined savings, retirement, an upcoming trip, or a spurge you’ve been saving for.
- So when someone asks for money that you technically have but it’s not set aside for what they are asking: let it be a no.
- Emotionally: What about a small request but you are emotionally drained. It’s been a long day, week, or year and your heart wants to say no but you are should-ing all over yourself. You try to justify the yes to yourself over and over. Let it be a no.
- Physically: Sometimes this is an easier one for me. If I am truly physically incapable of something, a no is sometimes the only answer. But what about for those times you could try… but know you’ll wake up with a sore back or neck and curse yourself in the morning. Let it be a no.
- Mentally: let’s talk about the mental load of working moms.
- We do A LOT. We think. We plan: not just about today, next week, this year… the next decade. There’s a lot of thinking happening. We reorganize and adjust. We have backups for our backups.
- Sometimes, we just can’t add another task to our mental list (no matter how big or small). And that’s ok. So, if someone asks and you’re just not available to take on more mental tasks. Let it be a no.
P.S. It’s a practice. Start small but build big by honoring your true NO’s so you can honor your true Yes’s.
Want some more NO tips?
Check out my new guide:
Reclaim Your Time: The Power of Saying No, Guilt-Free
Yours truly, Heidi
The NO Coach for recovering people pleasers 🙂
