I was finishing a book on my run last week, The Buddha and The Badass, and the last chapter (Upgrading Your Identity) made we want to revisit something from a few weeks ago. In that email, I mentioned changing internal conversations and one example was: I’m not good enough can be changed to holy shit, I’m pretty awesome. Of course, there is a whole spectrum of thoughts in between– perhaps neither is one you really want to latch on to– hopefully you get the point 😉
But it’s not helpful if used like an affirmation that you simply repeat it but don’t believe it. These shifts often don’t happen over night…. And they only happen when they are believable. Changing thoughts little by little, like climbing rungs on a ladder, can get you to a totally different place, creating huge internal and external transformations.
And having a coach can propel you up the ladder much faster if you want.
(Here’s my post about Ladder thoughts from last May if you want more examples. )
The Buddha and the Badass gave this suggestion to hack your belief system: instead of affirmations, ask super lofty questions.
“Affirmations don’t work because you can’t reaffirm a belief you don’t really believe in. You can tell yourself you’re amazing, superb, kind, and genius, but if there is a bit of doubt at the back of your mind, you’ll just end up questioning your own statement.
But when you ask a Lofty Question, you’re not making a statement. You’re posing a question to your brain and asking for evidence. The subconscious mind is wonderful. It will take that question and find a way to resolve it. The more you gather evidence, the more you begin to truly believe.“
The Buddha and the Badass
By Vishen Lakhiani
So maybe asking: where am I a good enough parent/ colleague/ partner? Bolder yet: Where am I pretty damn good…. ?It shifts the brain to gather evidence that you likely haven’t been looking for lately… |
If feeling selfish feels super tough, (I go back to this one, because it is filled with shame for so many)– perhaps ask: how could being selfish in this situation actually be beneficial?
How could being selfish actually be useful to me? To my family? To my work? Think about this in the context of asking for a raise… or protecting time for your health and well-being…
I think many of us are inspired by contributions to others, so perhaps use this motivation as a launching board to ask these uncomfortable questions.
| Sometimes it really is as simple as shifting our thoughts, one by one. This transforms our beliefs, and not only our beliefs about us, but also about what’s possible in the world around us. And, this is what truly shifts our identity. |
