Last week, I mentioned when our actions are generated from authenticity: magic happens!
When there is alignment: with goals, values and being true to yourself on top of managing your thinking: your desired results somehow seem to unfold with ease.
I promised examples.
I’ll be honest here, I really hated weight loss stuff at first and never really wanted to coach on it, but it comes up so frequently that I had to get over some of my own discomfort here. It often brings up so much behind the weight, which is why coaching can be so profoundly useful.
And in the action line: weight loss/ gain/maintenance is perhaps one of the easiest examples to give.
Circumstances–> Thoughts–> Feelings–> Actions–> Results
It’s clear to see the linear progression. What happens after you feel X (insert any given emotion here)?
You do_______.
You don’t do_______.
You avoid________.
Post-partum with my second, I injured my back lugging around my moose of a baby. Good thing he was darn cute.
But I was tired, hurt, overweight and overwhelmed at work. I avoided taking pictures. I dreaded bathing suits. I felt stuck in so many ways and hated that I let myself get this way. So, from the coaching model perspective, this is how I would break down the model at the time:
Circumstance: I weigh X lbs. [Remember neutral facts: the scale doesn’t lie or judge people; it’s mass and gravitational pull].
Thought: I hate that I let myself get this way.
Feeling: that thought generated disappointment
Actions: From the place of disappointment: what did I do/ not do? I hid. I stopped exercising. I definitely stopped weighing myself. I ate more to “feel better.” I tried to drink away some disappointment. I wore really stretchy clothing and big scrubs. I stopped holding myself accountable.
Results: I overate/ over-drank/ under-exercised: ended up in clothes too tight and uncomfortable in my own skin –> I continued to self-loathe and let myself get more of “this way,” which was NOT the way I wanted. UGH!
What changed? One day, I told myself that I really wanted to feel comfortable in my own skin again. It wasn’t about a number on the scale. I wanted to throw a football at the beach in a bathing suit and have some damn fun (aka not dread it)! I wanted to run around after my kids and not be hurting. I needed to start being accountable to ME again.
That new model looked something like this:
Circumstance: I weigh X lbs.
Thought: I want to feel comfortable in my own skin.
Feeling: that thought generated motivation.
Actions: From the place of motivation: what did I do/ not do? I started holding myself accountable. I weighed myself. I asked myself regularly if I was eating because I was hungry (or was I tired, annoyed, angry, bored). From here, I was able to monitor my calories (but with a focus on getting myself real nutrition that felt good to my body.) I also worked on my back injury and started working out.
Results: I lost 25 lbs in about 5 months. And was soooo much more comfortable in my own skin!!! I was able to move in a way that felt good. I was setting better boundaries for myself and started to feel much more empowered.
This is honestly what started my coaching journey. I learned healthier ways to get my desired results that didn’t involve suffering my way to the endpoint.
In the two models, you can see how the actions in each give predictably clear results.
People want to look at the feeling and blame it on the circumstance. “Oh, I feel terrible because I weigh X.”
When it’s clear that X could be 135 lbs or 200 lbs or 300 lbs. It’s really all about the thought that X generates.
If you weigh 300 lbs and now weigh 200 lbs, when you look at “I weigh 200 lbs,” the thought is likely very different than the person who used to weigh 150 lbs and now weighs 200 lbs.
Remember: the number is a neutral fact. What you make that number mean is unique to you.
What thoughts you tell yourself over and over (and thus what you believe to be true) are what drive your feelings about your current weight (or any other neutral fact). This impacts our behaviors around food, exercise, clothing, how we feel in our bodies, and how we show up for ourselves. All these things give us our results. Too simple? Maybe… but broken down into small steps, it’s easy to see how our results are direct effects of our actions (both big and small).
Join me next week to see more about unintentional and intentional results!
