Last week recap: We talked about how you can’t change the past, but you can change the impact it has on you now.
What’s the story you want to tell yourself (and others) about your past?
Take a few minutes to ponder some thoughts from your past:
Make a list of thoughts you likely programmed at a young age. (For an extra bonus, try to think of the age (or age range) when that first became a recurring thought. I think this is often a helpful step in recognizing “of course my 9 year-old self thought that.” And then choosing to let it go.) As adults, we can choose what we will and won’t believe anymore.
There can be good thoughts you may not want to let go of:
I can figure it out. Or steal Marie Forleo’s “Everything is figureoutable.” I think this is one of the reasons I was drawn to Emergency Medicine in the first place. I love to figure stuff out.
I can do hard $h*t. [Med School/ Residency. Natural labor on Pitocin. No problem. I can do hard stuff. I’ll be honest, this one has served me well in a lot of ways, but I also recognize that it can be sneaky. “It” doesn’t have to be hard to be worthy or worthwhile… I realized I often didn’t give myself credit for things if it wasn’t hard enough. That’s lame because who is the judge of “hard enough!?” I’m actively working to celebrate wins even if they aren’t crazy hard;) ]
Some thoughts might not be so great ….nor helpful.
Example:
I’m a *&*&*$%& idiot. I’ve told on myself for this one before. Not kind, not true and not helpful. It’s a mean shame-fest. I catch it much easier now… and practice re-wiring instead of defaulting to this sentence.
I’m not a reader. [This one I made up after a 3rd grade report card… it was part of a piece of constructive feedback buried in a slew of compliments. I accepted it as the truth… and legitimately made it through Med school believing it. Ugg! Oh brain. Now I can look back and see that I probably didn’t like what we were reading and was likely bored as hell. So yes, I didn’t like it. But the it wasn’t reading… It was the stuff we were reading. My brain didn’t make that distinction for about 25 years.]
Losing weight is almost impossible and soooo hard. Believed it for years. Then I lost it. Hmph.
Life isn’t fair. [Thanks dad; while I recognize this can be true, I’ve come to realize it’s not all that helpful for me. ]
You get the point.
What thoughts have you accepted from your past as the Truth?
Start to question these beliefs because they impact your daily life and what you think is possible for you.
And remember, just because they are familiar doesn’t make them true. Often, these thoughts come as hand-me-downs from parents or from comparing to a very small number of people (your family, maybe a sibling or two, your community, etc).
Make your list and realize they are all optional thoughts.
Who would you be without that thought?
And with the glorious power of choice: ask yourself line by line if this is something you want to believe? Does it serve you and your life? And lastly, an important part of this work for me is to have a little self-compassion. Looking back, it’s easier to see little me and say: “of course you thought that.” And with genuine love, know that I don’t have to believe ‘it’ anymore.
