| For most humans, we like agency over our own lives. It’s the control over our own destiny. But then life sometimes seems to happen to us and we are left picking up the pieces. This is how I felt when Covid hit in 2020. |
Sharing more on my Why:
Getting in touch with my why lately has allowed me to focus on two of my biggest values: making a difference and well-being. Well-being can encompass so many facets of our everyday life but often can get pushed aside in the day-to-day grind. When coaching came into my life: well-being wasn’t a lived priority. Maybe it was lurking in the background (as a should)… but the foreground was filled with chaos, and I wasn’t caring for myself.
Coaching allowed me to step back for some perspective and I want to share that so that you too have the tools to live your best life.
So, I put out the “model” in my last post; this concept comes directly from the Life Coach School. There’s a free podcast, books, and all kinds of info out there if you want to dive in fully! If you want to hear a bit more, I’m here for you! I want to give you my condensed version to save you time and energy… and to bring some peace of mind.
Over the next few weeks, I want to break this down a bit. First: There are circumstances in our lives. This is what I view as “what happened;” think of it as provable in the court of law. Take out the judgment or meaning or story we tell ourselves about what happened. It’s often outside our control and includes what people do or say: direct quotes or specific actions. Brooke Castillo teaches that circumstances are neutral facts. There is no good or bad; it’s just what happened.
I’ll put a plug in here for a twist that I got from Victoria Albina (who also has a great podcast for those interested in adding to their listening) podcast 191:
“Not all circumstances are neutral. AND we don’t want them to be. Sexism, racism, social injustices….There is not a world in which I believe that violence, abuse, racism, sexism, homophobia, transphobia: all the –isms and phobias based in discrimination: those are not ever neutral. …Please don’t ever think of something as neutral unless it is of service to you and your goals to do so. And, is in alignment with your values and your integrity.”
So, from this context, we have the circumstances in our lives. [I’ll have to say this a lot of times—don’t use this work against yourself.] There is no I should be thinking this or should be feeling this. This is simply a tool to help yourself look at how your brain is helping or sabotaging! It just brings it forward into your consciousness. Take it or leave it from there. Ok, back to circumstances and why I think this is helpful. When you can separate out circumstances from the thinking about the circumstances—you start to see where you have some control.
You can’t control the circumstance.
You can control your reaction.
There is space between those two things, which includes space for your thoughts and feelings, and THEN your actions.
This is the magic! I’ll give a great example next week—stay tuned. I promise this work can help transform your life.
