I’m still processing my husband’s 20-year college reunion in Durham last weekend.
Not because of the reunion itself (though it was great!)… But because of what it took to make it happen.
Want to know the real story behind “we had a great weekend away”?
It took eight people—and a doggy daycare—coordinating schedules, pickups, sleepovers, and activities.
I’m sure you can relate to the breakdown:
The Weekend Logistics: What It Really Takes
My Daughter’s Schedule
- First 5K with Girls on the Run Saturday morning
- Slept at her friend’s house Friday night (friend’s mom coordinating)
- My best friend and her wife ran the race with her and sent me finish line photos
- Birthday party Sunday evening (another mom drove her both ways)
My Son’s Schedule
- Got alone time with Grandma and took her out for dinner 😊
- Ice cream birthday party Sunday afternoon
- Our babysitter picked him up and took him home
Home Base
- Grandma: who already helps normally—held down the fort all weekend!
Oh, and the Dogs 😉
- Spent the weekend at Doggy Daycare having their own adventure
That’s 8 people + 1 business making one weekend possible.
The Old Me Would Have…
A few years ago, I would have looked at this coordination and thought:
“This is too complicated.”
“I’m asking too much of people.”
“We should just skip it.”
And you know what would have happened?
Either we wouldn’t have gone, I would have gone but been resentful, or I would have gone but felt guilty the entire weekend.
None of those options were actually good.
The New Me Did This Instead
I asked for help.
I coordinated.
I accepted.
And then I said thank you—without apologizing.
The Language Shift That Changed Everything
Not “I’m so sorry to ask” or “I know this is a lot.”
Just: “Would you be able to help with [specific thing]? It would really help us.”
Everyone Won
- ✅ My daughter ran her first 5K with her aunties cheering her on
- ✅ Aunties got to participate in a milestone moment
- ✅ My son got to go to an epic ice cream party
- ✅ The babysitter got extra hours she wanted
- ✅ Grandma got quality time with her grandkids
- ✅ The dogs got to play all weekend
- ✅ My husband reconnected with college friends
- ✅ I got meaningful time away without guilt or resentment
Nobody lost.
But here’s what I had to do first: Let go of the belief that needing a village meant I was somehow failing.
You Can’t Run a Marathon Alone
Last week, I talked about the marathon mindset for sustainable advocacy.
Here’s the connection: You can’t run a marathon alone.
Marathon runners have pace teams, hydration stations, cheering sections, recovery support.
You need the same for sustainable anything—whether that’s attending a reunion, showing up for your kids’ milestones, or creating community change.
What Your Village for Advocacy Might Look Like
- A partner who handles bedtime so you can attend the coalition meeting
- A friend who carpools so you have time to prepare for the school board
- A neighbor who meal-swaps so you have bandwidth for what matters
Using your village isn’t weakness. It’s wisdom.
It’s how you create space for what truly matters—to your family AND to your community.
The Most Important Part: The Guilt Was Self-Imposed
Here’s what I keep coming back to: Not one person who helped made me feel guilty. Not one.
- My daughter’s friend’s mom was happy to coordinate.
- Aunties were happy to run the 5K.
- The babysitter needed the extra income.
- The birthday party mom was already driving anyway.
- Grandma loves time with her grandkids.
- The doggy daycare… well, they’re in business for exactly this reason.
The prior guilt was entirely self-imposed.
The only person making me feel bad about needing help was… me.
Sound familiar?
Two Actions for This Week
1. Send a Thank-You
Pick one person who helped you recently. Text or email them:
“I was reflecting on [specific thing], and I wanted to say thank you. Having you in my corner means more than you know.”
No qualifiers. No apologies. Just gratitude.
2. Ask for ONE Thing
Pick ONE thing you’ve been handling alone that someone could help with:
- Extra carpool so you have an hour to yourself
- Childcare so you can attend that meeting
- Meal swap so you have one less dinner to plan
- Coverage so you can actually rest
Then ask: “Would you be able to help with [specific thing] on [specific date]? It would really help me.”
And accept without apologizing.
What’s Next: The ALIGN Method for Sustainable Advocacy
Next week, I’ll share the exact framework for designing sustainable advocacy work that fits your actual life—using the ALIGN Method.
But this week? Practice using your village.
- Say thank you without apologizing.
- Ask for help without qualifying.
- Accept support without guilt.
Because creating capacity for meaningful impact—whether that’s your daughter’s first 5K or changing school policy—starts with letting people help you.
Here’s to the village,
Heidi
P.S. The moment that hit me hardest? Watching the aunties cheer on my daughter at the finish line of her first 5K while I was 480 miles away. They sent me photos in real-time. My daughter was beaming. And I realized: This is what a village looks like.
Not people grudgingly covering for me. People genuinely celebrating with my family. People who WANTED to be there.
The guilt I’d been carrying about “needing too much help”? Completely misplaced.
P.P.S. If you’re thinking “But I don’t have a village” or “I don’t know how to ask without feeling guilty”— Book a free 30-minute consultation and let’s talk about what your village could look like. You don’t have to do everything alone.
#ittakesavillage #timetoevolve #askingforhelp
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