The Power of “Mismatch”– Finding Alignment

I recently had a coaching session about my relationship with my mom, and my coach used a word that completely shifted my perspective:

Mismatch.

Not “she’s wrong.” Not “You’re bad at this.” Not “one of you needs to change.”

Just… mismatch.

Why “Mismatch” Changes Everything

Here’s why this word is so powerful:

It removes blame. It releases judgment. It simply acknowledges that two things – two people, two expectations, two needs – don’t align right now. It’s like clothes that don’t fit in style, shape, or size. But unlike most women’s battle with clothing: there’s no villain in this mismatch. There’s no failure. There’s just reality: what you need and what’s available don’t match up.

And suddenly, instead of spinning in guilt or resentment or frustration, you can just… see it for what it is and let it be.

Where might you have mismatches in your life?

Maybe it’s:

• Your job and your values (you value connection, but your role requires constant meetings with no depth)
• Your schedule and your energy (you’re most productive in the morning, but all your creative work gets pushed to evening)
• Your partner’s love language and yours (they show love through acts of service, you need words of affirmation)
• Your kids’ needs and your capacity (they need high-energy play, you need quiet to recharge)Society’s expectations and your authentic self (you’re “supposed” to volunteer for every school event, but it depletes you)
• Society’s expectations and your authentic self (you’re “supposed” to volunteer for every school event, but it depletes you)

None of this makes you bad. None of it makes them wrong.

It’s just a mismatch. Square peg meet round hole. When you recognize it, you can continue to carve pieces of yourself away… or if you can identify mismatches without the heavy weight of blame or shame, you can actually do something about them.

And here’s where it gets really useful:

You can:

• Adjust expectations
• Learn new skills and tools
• Create boundaries
• Make different choices
• Have honest conversations
• Design solutions that honor both sides

Just: where is there a mismatch between who I am now, what I value, and how I’m actually living?

Here are some questions to get you started:

Values Mismatch:

• What do I value most right now? (Connection? Creativity? Rest? Achievement? Freedom?)
• Where is my daily life mismatched with those values?

Energy Mismatch:

• What energizes me vs. what drains me?
• Where is my schedule forcing me to give energy I don’t have?

Identity Mismatch:

• Who am I now vs. who I was five years ago?
• Where am I still living according to an old version of myself?

Expectation Mismatch:

• What do I expect from myself vs. what’s actually realistic?
• What do others expect from me vs. what I can genuinely give?

And if you’re realizing that you have some significant mismatches and you’re not sure how to address them? That’s exactly what we work on together in coaching.

Book your free consultation today.

We’ll get clear on:

• Your current values (not who you used to be or who you “should” be)
• Where your life is mismatched with those values
• Practical strategies to create better alignment
• How to have the conversations and make the changes without the guilt

2026 doesn’t have to be another year of forcing things that don’t fit (clothes, jobs, reliationships, etc) .

It can be the year you design a life that actually matches who you are.

Here’s to identifying mismatches with compassion and curiosity—and finding a better fit!

Heidi

P.S. If you identified a mismatch reading this email and thought “yep, that’s me” – don’t sit with it for another year. Book a free consultation. We’ll spend 30 minutes getting clear on what’s not working and what might work better. Sometimes all it takes is one conversation to see the path forward. (i.e. create that sensible vision!)