Here’s my food for thought this week. I’ve been thinking a lot about power. Who has it… how we get it… how to use it…
And let’s face it– we live in a culture that simultaneously glorifies power and yet often makes women feel guilty for claiming it– no wonder we’re confused. Last week, I touched on Thought Ladders and taking our power back when we feel stuck or voiceless. The response was incredible – seems like many of us are navigating situations where powerlessness creeps in.
Let’s dig deeper, shall we?
Helplessness and powerlessness are two of the most potentially devastating feelings. Why? Because they drive inaction, isolation, and despair. They keep us silent when we should speak and still when we should move.
I’ve been reflecting on Brené Brown’s brilliant framework of power that’s shifted my perspective, and I think it might click for you too.
The Power Problem Most Women Face
When most of us hear the word “power,” what comes to mind?
Control. Force. Dominance. Authority.
Sound familiar? This is what Brené calls “power over” – and it’s the version many of us have experienced when power is weaponized and used as a tool to control, often stoking fear in order to divide.
For many women, this creates a complicated relationship with power. We’ve seen “power over” in action, and honestly: it doesn’t feel good. It doesn’t align with how many of us prefer to operate in the world.
So we step back. We distance ourselves from claiming our power because the model we’ve seen feels super %$^&* icky.
But here’s the revolutionary part – that’s not the only kind of power available to us.
The Three Types of Power You Already Possess
Brené Brown’s Revolutionary Power Framework
- Power With: Collaborative power that grows when we work together
- Power To: The agency to create and make choices
- Power Within: Our sense of self-worth, values, and unique gifts
Credit: https://brenebrown.com/resources/brene-brown-on-power-and-leadership/
As she puts it: “I’ve dedicated my entire career to studying human behavior, emotion, and thought. I’ve spent the last ten years specifically looking atleadership. Here’s what I know for sure: We can’t understand leadership if we don’t talk about power. We have a strange relationship with the word, “power.” We often think of it as a negative, strong-arm experience, yet – at the exact same time – one of the single worst human experiences is powerlessness. No one wants to feel powerlessness. It’s a desperate and isolating experience.
In a 1968 speech given to striking sanitation workers in Memphis, Reverend Martin Luther King, Jr. defined power as the ability to achieve purpose and effect change. This is the most accurate and important definition of power that I’ve ever seen. The definition does not make the nature of power inherently good or bad, which aligns with what I’ve learned in my work. What makes power dangerous is how it’s used. Power over is driven by fear. Daring and transformative leaders share power with, empower people to, and inspire people to develop power within.”
~ Brené Brown
Where Your Real Power Lies (Right Now)
Building on last week’s ladder concept, where exactly is your power? Let’s get specific:
- You have power over where you spend your time, money, and energy (the ultimate vote)
- You have power in elections with your voice and your vote
- You have power in choosing where your kids go to school and what activities they participate in
- You have power in the communities you choose to join and support
- You have power in the conversations you initiate or participate in
- You have power in the boundaries you set and maintain
Most importantly, you have power in how you show up – even in situations where external circumstances feel beyond your control.
The Privilege of Power
Let’s also be realistic about the privilege of power. Not everyone has equal access to all forms of power. Some of us have platforms, resources, or positions that others don’t.
So the question becomes:
- How can we use the power we do have in service of others?
- How can we practice “power with” and “power to” rather than “power over”?
This isn’t about getting it perfect; it’s about learning and stretching…. Brené Brown discusses shifting from wanting to “be right” to wanting to “get it right.” For me, using thought ladders to move from powerlessness to purposeful action in ways that lift others as we climb… that’s the kind of power I’m looking for.
Your Power Practice This Week
- Identify: Where are you experiencing “power over” in your life? Where are you perhaps unconsciously using “power over” with others?
- Recognize: What “power with,” “power to,” and “power within” do you already possess? List at least three examples of each.
- Activate: Choose one small situation this week where you’ll consciously shift from “power over” to “power with” – whether that’s with your children, colleagues, or community.
- Share: Tell someone about this shift in how you’re thinking about power. Teaching something helps us integrate it more fully.
Remember, climbing your thought ladder from powerlessness to empowerment isn’t just about just feeling better personally – it’s about creating ripples that help others find their power too.
This is the heart of my coaching work: helping busy women reclaim their time, energy, and yes – their power – to create lives that honor all their roles– including themselves.
Until next time,
Heidi
P.S. Think about a time when you felt truly powerful – not in dominating others, but in creating positive change. How can you recreate more of those moments in your daily life?The world needs your power now more than ever.
P.P.S. Next week, I’ll be sharing a real-world example of how I’m personally putting these power principles into practice through my work with Parents Who Lead. I’ve been advocating for a policy change in our school system that would make life-saving medications more accessible to all children. It’s a perfect case study in how we can use our collective voice to create meaningful change, even within complex systems. Stay tuned to see exactly how thought ladders and “power with” approaches can transform not just our personal lives, but our communities, too!
