Celebrating Failure: What the Skate Park Taught Me About Time Freedom
| I took my kids and our neighbor to a new skate park our city recently built under a bridge. To set the scene: my son brought his beat-up old scooter with a broken brake and a back wheel that somehow has been worn into a near perfect square. My daughter and our neighbor brought roller blades and are just starting to learn to skate… |
As I sat and watched my little novices, I looked around at the huge array of talents and skills, age ranges, and all the smiling faces. And my favorite part: the celebration of failures.
There were teens teaching kids new tricks and picking them up when they fell and giving high-fives for attempts at new tricks, regardless of the outcomes. There were adults being so mindful of the little ones while flipping themselves up ramps in attempts that made my back hurt just watching.
And there were some epic wipeouts. And yet, tons of smiles.
This brings me to ‘The Art of Failing Well’
If you, like me, have an initial aversion to the word failure similar to seeing a porta-potty as your only option for a bathroom break at a county fair, sitting somewhere between cringe-worthy and putrid. No worries, I get it. But hear me out.
Good ole Miriam Webster defines Failure as:
- a. Omission of occurrence or performance (a failing to perform a duty or expected action).
- b. A state of inability to perform a normal function or cessation of normal functioning
- c. Fracturing or giving way under stress
- Lack of success
- A falling short
- One that has failed
Ugh. Did you read #4 and feel your stomach sink? Yes, me too.
In reading these, it reminded me of how type-A people pleasers really hate to fail. So much so that we tend to either:
- Not attempt
- Lower expectations so not to deem the outcome as a failure
And it’s usually to avoid a feeling… Oh these damn feelings again!
Why Perfectionism Holds Working Moms Back
Because if you break it down in a coaching model as a
- Circumstance: insert anything that recently didn’t go as expected.
- Thought: <<insert your own name>> = “The one that has failed”. Now I recognize none of us likely have this exact thought, you get the picture…
- Feeling= shame. Or worthlessness, judgmental, vulnerable, etc.
So many of us would do anything than self-inflict the above feelings over and over again…
Brooke Castillo from The Life Coach School podcast had an episode and I loved this:
“The irony here is that by avoiding failing, we are avoiding something that we are ultimately in charge of (how we feel). We can control what we choose to think about missing the mark when and if it happens. How we choose to think about it will determine how we feel.”
“If failure is defined as not meeting your own expectations, then I would define success as meeting them. The way to meet expectations is to practice meeting them, make lots of mistakes, and learn what doesn’t work.”
“What if you decided ahead of time to have your own back when you fail? To treat yourself with respect, learn from it, and to love yourself even more? What if you decided ahead of time that when you fail, you will not beat yourself up over it, and you will not quit?”
Failure as a Skill Worth Practicing
Brooke went on: “How does failure benefit us? It builds strength and confidence. Through the act of failing, we get stronger each time we push ourselves back up. Through the act of trying and failing, we become confident in our ability to fail well, recover, and fail again. What if you looked at failure as a skill that could be practiced so you became better and better at it?”
Think about it: at the skate park, failing is expected. It’s part of the process. No one skates perfectly on their first try – or their hundredth. The pros there spent years cultivating their skills through thousands of falls. But what struck me most wasn’t just the falling – it was the getting back up. The high-fives for attempting something difficult. The community that celebrates the courage to try.
What Are You Not Attempting?
So now I ask all my working moms: what are you avoiding so you don’t fail?
What would you try if failure was the outcome that you were really after – so that practicing what happens after the failure: the self-talk, the brainstorming about different ways to try again, etc. – is the real marker of progress/success?
One of the reasons I see many women not go after their dreams is because they’re terrified of what happens if they fail… And so they tell themselves it doesn’t matter. Or not right now. Maybe one day…
Because the current self-talk would rip them to threads if they failed… the inner emotional backlash is too damn intimidating.
So we don’t try.
Reclaiming Your Time Requires Risking Failure
How does this apply to building in time for yourself? For your dreams?
When it comes to reclaiming your time, you’ll need to risk failing. You’ll have uncomfortable conversations. You’ll set boundaries that might disappoint others. You’ll try new systems that might not work the first time. You’ll attempt to prioritize yourself and stumble along the way.
But the world misses out when you don’t try. On YOUR greatness. On what YOU and only YOU can offer. On YOUR purpose and contributions.
Don’t hold the world back from seeing the great things you have to offer because you are afraid of a feeling.
When you are rested, nurtured, and cared for—you set yourself up for success. And it’s not even about “doing your best”… it’s often more about ‘being’ your best…
Start With KIST: Kind Internal Self Talk
Start with what Martha Beck calls “KIST”: kind internal self talk.
Because enough of the inner mean girl.
When you can be kind to yourself in the moments of failure, when you can high five yourself for attempts at something new and challenging (hello skateboard wipeouts) even when the outcome wasn’t what you wanted – now that’s the success I’m here for!
Creating Your Personal Failure Support System
In my ALIGN Method, the “I” stands for “Integrate” – where we design your “True Yes Framework” based on personal values. But to integrate what truly matters to you, you must be willing to try new approaches, especially to how you spend your time. And yes, some of those approaches will fail.
Your Next Bold Move
What area of your life are you avoiding because you’re afraid to fail?
Is it:
- Setting a boundary with your partner about household responsibilities?
- Blocking off non-negotiable time for yourself each week?
- Having that conversation with your boss about flexible work hours?
- Starting that side project you’ve been dreaming about?
This week, I challenge you to try one thing – just one – where you might fail. And then, most importantly, practice having your own back when things don’t go perfectly.
Remember: the skaters at the park didn’t become skilled by avoiding falls. They became skilled by falling well, learning from each wipeout, and getting back up with a smile. And it sure is easier if they have a friend who offers a hand to help them off the ground or a high-five for the try.
And this is where coaching can help. I’m here to offer a hand when you fall. And a high-five for the attempts.
Heidi
P.S. This is actually one of my favorite parts of group coaching. At least in my group – we will cheer on your failures… and your successes, too! We are here for all of it.
Ready to build the muscle of failing well? My Time Freedom Course and small group coaching can provide the community and framework you need to take those risks. Because time freedom isn’t just about managing minutes – it’s about having the courage to prioritize yourself, even when it feels uncomfortable.
Want to learn more about how the ALIGN Method can help you reclaim your time and energy? Schedule a free 30-minute call.
