What a Horse Taught Me About Saying No
In our fast-paced world of endless demands, sometimes it takes an unexpected moment to reconnect with our deepest wisdom. Today, I’m sharing a personal experience that was a great reminder about coaching and growth.
A Retreat Revelation: When Animals Speak Louder Than Words
The Courage to Say No: Honoring Your Inner Wisdom
True story: Just last month, I went on a retreat with my colleague and coach Dr. Erin McBride (@physicianburnoutcoach). One of the exercises Erin led us through was working with a horse in a circular pen, walking in spirals while contemplating a lesson we’ve needed to learn over and over in life… and then walking straight out of the pen when we were finished.
The Circle of Self-Discovery
As I walked those spirals, I found myself reflecting on my repeat lesson: learning to listen to my inner “no.” Becoming more confident in knowing that I do, in fact, know what’s best for myself but had often gone against my inner knowing trying to people please, be a team player, and meet everyone else’s expectations.
The silent round and round with the horse that day brought tears to my eyes. I felt the weight of how often I had betrayed myself and my needs over the years. Each circle represented another time I’d ignored that voice inside me, pushed it down, or convinced myself that someone else’s priorities were more important than my own.
The Failed Solutions: Why Productivity Hacks Don’t Solve Boundary Problems
I tried so many approaches before: forcing myself to become more organized (as if that would solve the problem), reading countless books on productivity (hoping to find the magic formula for doing it all), and even attempting to “power through” the resentment (which only led to more exhaustion).
But in that profound silence with the horse, something shifted. I also felt the growth and confidence in how far I’ve come. When it was time to walk straight out of the pen, I did so with a sense of releasing the sadness of prior years and with pride in my newfound ability to acknowledge my needs and advocate for them without guilt.
This transformation didn’t happen overnight. It’s taken time (and coaching!), but I’ve also realized that I often need quiet and silence to tap into this inner knowing. Sometimes the noise and chaos around me—the constant demands, expectations, and “shoulds”—obscure that quiet, calm, confident voice inside that “just knows.”
Creating Space for Your Inner Voice
Your inner voice already knows what you need, but you have to create space and silence to hear it.
Wisdom from the Experts
And then there’s this extra layer, going beyond the internal chatter to the inner knowing.
I love what Martha Beck writes in Finding Your Way in a Wild New World:
“Menders of all times and places have taught that silencing the thoughts in our heads and opening to the experience of the body and emotions is the basis of all healing. It’s the only means by which we can reclaim our true nature or feel the subtle cues telling us how to find our way through life.”
She also notes that:
“Sometimes it takes a radical event to reawaken you to the inner voice that’s always telling you what decisions to make, what to embrace and what to avoid, how to steer through various inner and outer situations.”
Damn, isn’t that the truth? Sometimes we need those moments—like walking in circles with a horse—to reconnect with what we’ve known all along. In fact, I’ve found the same thing applies to creating genuine time freedom in your life as a busy working mom.
Bringing Inner Wisdom to Daily Life
That inner knowing isn’t just about big life decisions—it’s about everyday choices too. It’s about recognizing when your calendar is too full, when you’re taking on tasks that drain your energy, and when you’re saying “yes” when your body and spirit are screaming “no.”
Picture this: You’re staring at a packed schedule for the week, feeling that familiar knot in your stomach. Your inner voice is whispering that it’s too much, but your conditioned response is to push through anyway. What if, instead, you created some space—even five minutes of silence—to listen to what you truly need in that moment?
This “wordlessness,” as Beck calls it, “allows us to see our true nature, and to heal from the violence of a thought system that cuts us apart, destroying our compassion for ourselves and others.”
Your 60-Second Inner Wisdom Practice
Right now, wherever you are, try this:
- Close your eyes (after reading these instructions!)
- Place one hand on your heart
- Take three slow, deep breaths
- Ask yourself: “What am I saying ‘yes’ to that my body wants to say ‘no’ to?”
- Just notice what arises without judgment
Did you feel that? That’s your inner wisdom speaking to you.
Master the Art of Saying “No” with Confidence
Perhaps this struggle to honor your inner “no” feels familiar? You know what you need, but finding the right words to protect your boundaries feels impossible.
This is exactly why I created my “Fifty Shades of NO” guide awhile back. It’s a quick resource for working moms who want to feel empowered in using their “no” muscle:
- 50 different ways to decline requests – from polite and professional to humorous and direct
- Ready-to-use scripts for work, family, and social situations
- Strategies for delivering your “no” with confidence and without guilt
- Practical tips for handling pushback when you set boundaries
If you missed it previously: Click here to sign up for your free copy of “Fifty Shades of NO” and start protecting your time and energy today.
P.S. Every day, I get to practice walking in those confident footsteps I found in that horse pen. Some days are easier than others, but I promise—each time you honor your inner knowing, it gets a little clearer and a little stronger. And coaching was what allowed this to be possible for me.
How Coaching Made the Difference for Me
I want to be completely honest: developing my “inner no” muscle didn’t happen by accident. Coaching was the critical element that helped me break through my people-pleasing patterns and trust my inner wisdom.
Through coaching, I learned to:
- Recognize the physical sensations that signal when I need to say “no”
- Challenge the limiting beliefs that kept me saying “yes” to everything
- Create practical strategies for honoring my boundaries
- Build confidence in my ability to make decisions aligned with my needs
- Develop self-compassion when I slip back into old patterns
This transformation is available to you too. If you’re tired of betraying your inner knowing and ready to reclaim your time and energy, I’d love to support you.
Schedule a free 30-minute Time Freedom Consultation below to discover how coaching can help you honor your inner “no” and create genuine time freedom in your life.
FAQs: Common Questions About Trusting Your Inner “No”
How do I differentiate between my inner voice and fear or people-pleasing habits?
Your inner voice typically feels calm and clear, even when it’s telling you something difficult. Fear and people-pleasing habits usually come with anxiety, racing thoughts, and a sense of “should.” Practice creating moments of silence in your day—even just 2-3 minutes—and notice which thoughts feel grounded versus which ones feel reactive. Over time, you’ll recognize the difference more easily.
What if I’ve ignored my inner voice for so long I can’t hear it anymore?
Your inner voice never disappears completely—it just gets buried under layers of external expectations and habits. Start small: before responding to a request, take a deep breath and ask, “How does my body feel about this?” Tension, heaviness, or constriction often signals a “no,” while lightness and expansion usually means “yes.” The more you practice checking in, the louder that voice will become.
Will I damage my relationships or career if I start saying “no” more often?
Healthy relationships actually thrive when both parties honor their authentic needs and boundaries. While there may be an adjustment period as others get used to your new boundaries, most people will ultimately respect your clarity. As for your career, showing discernment about where you invest your energy often leads to higher quality work and greater respect from colleagues who value substance over people-pleasing.
Have more questions? Sign up for a quick free call and see if coaching could help with your specific issue.
