Getting What You Want For 2025

Picture this: You’re at a family gathering or holiday work party, wanting to leave early because you’re exhausted, but instead of asking, you sit there for a few more hours, growing resentful. Sound familiar? What if you could change that narrative? 

Scroll down to the bottom for the TL;DR, but warning: you’ll miss the juicy parts.

I broke this down to 3 Steps: 

• Step 1: Knowing what you want.
• Step 2: Asking for it.
• Step 3: You get a response.
  • Yes: YAY! You get what you want.
  • No: Shit: you likely experience one of the top 8 difficult emotions (which I explore in depth in my blog about handling uncomfortable emotions) and perhaps it’s super uncomfortable… but you know you can handle any emotion. 
  •  Remember: “A no to my request is not a no to me as a person.” Don’t add extra hurt by adding extra story behind the no. Sometimes a no is simply a no.

Ok if this was so easy, why wouldn’t we all be experts? Uncomfortable emotions are well, uncomfortable. If you think about all the things people do to avoid discomfort, it’s not surprising that people do not ask for what they really want. But if you start becoming more confident that you can handle a no (i.e. the difficult emotion that comes with a no), this becomes easier and easier.

Here’s where this can go awry:

1. Step 1: You aren’t sure what you want… Many people will default to “I don’t know.” What I find underlying that knee-jerk response is that you simply haven’t considered your wants in quite some time. Or it’s difficult to see your wants as a priority over others’ wants. If you don’t get past here, you end up disappointed (or any of the other 7 uncomfortable emotions) unless chance just happens to unfold in your direction. Still struggling here? Try this: Set a timer for 2 minutes. Write down everything you want right now – from the small (a nap) to the big (a career change). Don’t judge, just write. You might be surprised at how much clarity you actually have.
2. Step 2: You don’t ask for it. Not asking often leads to resentment and assumption-making. Without asking, you’re giving yourself an automatic “no”= cue the discomfort.
3. Step 3: You get a no= uncomfortable. BUT: this was the only decision tree that was likely to get you where you wanted (a yes!). Remember, you can handle any emotion. Added bonus: if you build this muscle, this gets easier and the closer you are to the YES.
   1. Start with low-stakes requests where “no” would have minimal emotional impact
   2. Practice asking in safe relationships first (close friends, supportive family)
   3. Role-play different ways of asking and receiving “no”
   4. Celebrate the act of asking regardless of outcome

P.S. I’m going to link this back to my Fifty Shades of No guide. Notice that it’s often the same discomfort giving a no as it is receiving a no.

And it HOLDS YOU BACK from getting what you want and having the life you want.

But with practice, both things become easier.

Let’s see how this framework comes to life specifically for working moms – one of the groups I often see struggling most with asking for what they want… here are the most common categories:

Work Requests:

• Flexible hours
• WFH arrangements
• Meeting boundaries

Home/Family Requests:

• Partner support
• Childcare help
• Household task sharing

Personal Needs:

• Self-care time
• Protected boundaries
• Health priorities

Step 1 – Knowing What You Want:

• Asking for flexible work hours to attend your child’s school events
• Requesting work-from-home days when kids are on school breaks
• Needing help with morning routines from a partner
• Having protected time for self-care (gym, therapy, quiet time)
• Getting backup childcare arrangements
• Delegating household tasks that drain your energy

Step 2 – Asking for What You Want:

• “I’d like to work from home on Wednesdays to cut down on commute time and be there for after-school activities.”
• “Could we alternate morning drop-offs so I can get to my 8 AM meetings on time?” 
• “I need help with meal prep – can we split cooking duties during the week?”
• “I’d like to block off 6-8 PM as no-meeting time so I can focus on family dinner.”

Step 3 – Response Scenarios:

When You Get a Yes:

• Your manager approves flexible hours
• Your partner agrees to take on school lunches
• Your team respects your boundaries around meeting times
• Your kids adapt to new routines

When You Get a No: Instead of catastrophizing (“I’m a bad mom” or “My career is over”), remember:

• A “no” to working from home doesn’t mean you’re not valued at work
• A “no” from your partner about a specific task doesn’t mean they don’t support you
• Alternative solutions might emerge from the conversation

Only YOU know what you want in this season of life. And remember – what you need may change as your children grow and your career evolves. Sometimes you may need some coaching to “see it” or ask for it. That’s what I’m here for!

Schedule a call here if you’d like to see how coaching can help.

Your homework: What’s one thing you want today? Make one request. Just one. Notice how it feels. What’s the worst that could happen? You get a ‘no’ – and as we’ve discussed, you can handle that. 

But what if you get a ‘yes’?

Cheers to building muscles in 2025.

TL;DR 

Getting what you want requires three steps.

1. Knowing what you want
2. Asking for it
3. Response: celebrating the yes and understanding you can handle the discomfort of the no.

Start small. Build the muscle. Ask for help when you need it.