Final email on Burnout (the book, not the topic because I have come to accept it will always be a part of the coaching I do). When I initially was coaching doctors only a few years into the pandemic, I found myself coaching a lot on burnout. Through this time, I discovered that I really enjoyed coaching women/ moms who were navigating the struggles of being a working professional and parent and trying to make time for themselves, their passions, and their lives. What I came to realize, the burnout touching the medical community is often the same burnout reaching a lot of working parents, especially moms (hello Human Giver Syndrome!). And while we can’t change the medical industrial complex in a coaching session, we can certainly break down limiting beliefs and create incredibly impactful results in your daily life.
Bottom line, sometimes the exact stressors aren’t all the same, but the stress certainly is… and the skills to alleviate the stress are. So I think this is a great read for everyone.
For anyone who missed a part or would like to go back, here are the links:
Intro: click here for my intro/overview.
Part I: What You Take with You. The tools that can help right now.
A few last notes that I found super helpful.
Note from Chapter 1: Signs You Need to Deal with the Stress, Even If It Means Ignoring the Stressor
Your brain and body exhibit predictable signs when your stress level is elevated, and these serve as reliable cues that indicate you need to deal with the stress itself before you can be effective in dealing with the stressor.
- “You notice yourself doing the same apparently pointless thing over and over again, or engaging in self-destructive behaviors.”
- “ ‘Chandeliering.’ This is Brene Brown’s term for the sudden, overwhelming burst of pain so intense you can no longer contain it. Then you jump as high as the chandelier. It’s out of proportion to what’s happening in the here and now, but it’s not out of proportion to the suffering you’re holding inside and it has to go somewhere, so it erupts. That eruption is a sign your pasture threshold and need to deal with the stress before you can deal with the stressor.”
- “You turn into a bunny hiding under a hedge… If you are hiding from your life, you’re past your threshold. You aren’t dealing with either the stress or the stressor. Deal with the stress so you can be well enough to deal with the stressor.”
- “Your body feels out of whack. Maybe you’re sick all the time. You have chronic pain, injuries that just won’t heal, or infections that keep coming back. Because stress is not quote just stress and quote, but a biological event that really happens inside your body. It can cause biological problems that really happen inside your body. But can’t always be explained with obvious diagnoses. Chronic illness and injury can be caused or exacerbated by chronic activation of the stress response.”
A Last Note on Compassion Fatigue:
“The patriarchy (ugh) not only affects us directly, but also causes indirect harm to us as we care for others. When we experience stress on behalf of others, we may dismiss it as inconsequential or “irrational” and ignore it. Givers may spend years attending to the needs of others, while dismissing their own stress generated in response to witnessing those needs. The result is uncountable incomplete stress response cycles accumulating in our bodies. This accumulation leads to “compassion fatigue,” and it’s a primary cause of burnout among givers, including those who work in helping professions (many of which are dominated by women-teaching, social work, healthcare, etc).
Signs of compassion fatigue include:
• checking out, emotionally; faking empathy when you know you’re supposed to feel it, because you can’t feel the real thing anymore
• minimizing or dismissing suffering that isn’t the most extreme-“It’s not slavery/genocide/child rape/nuclear war, so quit complaining”;
• feeling helpless, hopeless, or powerless, while also feeling personally responsible for doing more; and
• staying in a bad situation, whether a workplace or a relationship, out of a sense of grandiosity- “If I don’t do it, no one will.”
…People who live through traumatic experiences are called survivors.
People who love and support people who live through traumatic experiences are co-survivors. They need all the support and care that a survivor needs. If they don’t get it, they run the risk of burning out, dropping out, and tuning out. If we want to change the world, we need change agents to know how to receive care.
Fortunately, the skills you’ll learn in the last section of this book-social connection, rest, and befriending your inner critic-are evidence-based strategies for recovering from and preventing compassion fatigue.”
Going back to my first email but the last page of the book, now that you have the broader context of their work, I think it’s worth repeating once again.
“The cure for burnout is not “self-care”; it is all of us caring for one another.
So we’ll say it one more time:
Trust your body.
Be kind to yourself.
You are enough, just as you are right now.
Your joy matters.
Please tell everyone you know.
Tl;dr
• Just because you’ve dealt with a stressor doesn’t mean you’ve dealt with the stress. And you don’t have to wait until all your stressors are dealt with before you deal with your stress. Which is to say, you don’t have to wait for the world to be better before you make your life better—and by making your life better, you make the world better.
• Wellness is not a state of being but a state of action. It is the freedom to move fluidly through the cyclical, oscillating experiences of being human.
• “Human Giver Syndrome” is the contagious false belief that you have a moral obligation to give every drop of your humanity-your time, attention, energy, love, even your body—in support of others, no matter the cost to you. Pay attention to how different it feels to interact with people who treat you with care and generosity, versus people who treat you as if they are entitled to whatever they want from you.
• Humans are not built to function autonomously; we are built to oscillate from connection to autonomy and back again. Connection-with friends, family, pets, the divine, etc.—is as necessary as food and water.”
I hope this book (or summary) helps you as much as it has helped me! I truly love learning and part of my own growth has been being able to learn new topics, share my experience and teach when I can.
Heidi
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