I’m taking a few extra minutes today to let you know something really important and central to my work as a coach.
YOU MATTER.
I’ve been thinking about this for awhile now. Jimmy Turner (Anesthesiologist, Coach, Podcaster) wrote a book Determined: How burned out doctors can thrive in a broken medical system.
He talked about autonomy, belonging, and competence and how they are key factors in becoming what he calls a self-determined physician. This applies to many careers, especially ones people often feel “called to do.” It’s a great read and I highly encourage it for all my medical people. In the belonging section, he touches on the need/ want to be seen, heard and valued. As members of any team, we have a deep need to belong. “This need to feel like we are appreciated, valued, and respected member of the team is an intrinsic human need. When doctors forget or don’t believe they are valued, depersonalization is the result.”
“Belonging consists of more than a feeling like a valued team member. It also includes our need to feel connected to a deeper purpose or mission that we are working toward. We want to be part of something bigger than ourselves. This connection to a deeper purpose is the biggest distinction between a vocation and an occupation. When this greater purpose is missing, doctors begin to treat medicine much more like a job. A loss of compassion for colleagues and patients is a result.”
In addition to belonging, there was something else I couldn’t quite put my finger on until I read Never Enough by Jennifer Breheny Wallace. It’s mattering.
“Not scarcity but abundance. Throughout this book we have examined up close the messages society throws at us: scarcity, envy, hyper-competition. Beneath the illusion of scarcity, beneath the fear and anxiety and envy and status seeking, we are all striving for the same basic human needs: to feel valued, to belong, to be known and loved for who we are at our core.
Mattering, as I’ve come to see it, offers a powerful antidote to a scarcity mindset. Knowing that people are valuable for who they are, not for how they perform, not for what they produce, not for what they acquire, releases us from the competitive chokehold. It shifts our thinking away from what we’re lacking and allows us to see all that we do have. It boosts our status in healthy ways. It connects us to the best in ourselves and the best in others. Mattering, in other words, offers a perspective of abundance, freeing us from zero-sum thinking and reminding us that there is enough for everyone to go around. Mattering shows up in how we treat ourselves and how we treat one another. Choosing mattering, even when we’re feeling anxious and fearful, is a deliberate choice we can make every day.”
In medicine and other aspects of life (i.e. motherhood), how do we show up for ourselves so that we know we matter? How do systems and structures (i.e. in the healthcare field!) show us that we, too, matter?
During the beginning of the pandemic, I think many of us in the ER felt a sense of mattering for the first time in a long time… There was a simple appreciation for us being there. Many of us felt valued by our patients and colleagues. We were willing to serve in a very vulnerable time, as we truly didn’t know the short- or long-term ramifications of Covid. We saw patients and colleagues getting sick; we saw body bags and morgues overflowing from a mysterious illness, that we didn’t exactly know how to treat. And yet we showed up. And we mattered. As political divides and vaccine skepticism grew, our ‘mattering’ seemed to plummet… and moral injury returned with a vengeance.
As private equity firms take over healthcare in the US, many of us feel the “cog in a wheel” phenomenon now more than ever—within our institutions and sometimes to our patients. It’s that feeling that we’re replaceable. We’re just another number, another warm body with a pulse to fill the role…. that WE don’t really matter… it’s just getting the job done that does.
But what if we can reclaim our ‘mattering’?
(Don’t get me wrong, I think institutions can certainly do a better job, too.) But perhaps, it starts from within… “Mattering shows up in how we treat ourselves and how we treat one another.” ~Never Enough
So, my challenge, especially to my caregivers: healthcare workers, parents, social workers, counselors, teachers, etc—show up for yourself first. It doesn’t have to be every time, but it has to be often enough to have the internal sense of mattering.
Treat yourself how you would want your favorite person to be treated.
Always remember: YOU MATTER.
