“Any belonging that asks us to betray ourselves is not true belonging.” ~ Brené Brown
The need for connection and belonging are core human needs. To be seen, heard, and valued are important to all of us, but in medicine, I think this can be at the root of moral injury. It made me think of how many of us have shaped ourselves in order to conform– in attempts to belong in and outside of medicine. But then, we lose ourselves. This reminded me of a few great quotes from Atlas of the Heart.
“We have to belong to ourselves as much as we need to belong to others. Any belonging that asks us to betray ourselves is not true belonging.“
“True belonging is the spiritual practice of believing in and belonging to yourself so deeply that you can share your most authentic self with the world and find sacredness in both being a part of something and standing alone in the wilderness. True belonging doesn’t require us to change who we are; it requires us to be who we are.”
Brené Brown, from Atlas of the Heart.
I also wanted to share a recent podcast I listened to with Mel Robbins and Ritu Bhasin. You Are a Badass: Unlock Your Most Authentic Self in 4 Proven Steps https://www.melrobbins.com/podcasts/episode-86. I loved her concept of the three selves:
The Authentic self: if there were no negative consequences for your actions, this is how you would show up. (No laws/ no social norms to worry about…
The Adaptive self: lives in the middle. You can’t be authentic 100% of the time; aka you need to abide by the law, rules at work, etc… and sometimes you need to “perform” to keep safe. She highlights the importance of being aware of the performing self and adapting when it ultimately serves your higher goals. This self willingly and happily chooses when/ where/how to perform.
The Performing self: feels like you don’t have a choice and must hide your true self. It’s often exhausting and disempowering.
I love thinking about the relationship between belonging and authenticity: first, you must belong to yourself, and feel comfortable being your full self and honoring your authentic self. Then you can belong to others. If you shave away parts of yourself, in order to belong, you will never feel that sense of belonging… My kids have reminded me of the gift and beauty of the authentic self. Coaching has given me the permission to reclaim mine.
“Because we can feel belonging only if we have the courage to share our most authentic selves with people, our sense of belonging can never be greater than our level of self-acceptance.“
“We can never truly belong if we are betraying ourselves, our ideals, or our values in the process. That is why it’s a mistake to think that belonging is passive and simply about joining or “going along” with others. It’s not. Belonging is a practice that requires us to be vulnerable, get uncomfortable, and learn how to be present with people without sacrificing who we are. When we sacrifice who we are, we not only feel separate from others, but we even feel disconnected from ourselves.”
~Brené Brown, Atlas of the Heart
Reach out this week for a free coaching session. Learn how to show up as your most authentic self. Quit carving away to conform. It’s this one precious life we are each given, cheers to living it up!
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